Saturday, February 10, 2007

Staying Cozy

This is how I stay cozy. Being cozy and safe and secure is very important to me. I need a little haven for myself. I think there's two reasons for that...I have "nerves" and also I am prone to depression. For now, I'll keep this "verycozy" blog just for myself.
When I'm depresssed, I feel the need to write. When I'm nervous I want to as well. Sometimes its journaling, or just writing like this...or writing a story or novel...or just emailing. Its like a release. I did find an interesting book called The Midnight Disease which seems to say that moods and writing and the need to write are very closely linked. Oh, I agree!
I'm not sure what I will call this...or what this blog is designed to might be my cure for might be a place to come to when I am low...writing does help.
My husband is coming home in a couple of hours and we're going to go food shopping and then maybe to dinner and Barnes and Noble. He knows I am down. When I think about it, its a perfect day..I am getting help with the groceries...and also dinner out and maybe a new book...and then I still have Sunday to look forward to. Why don't I feel happy?
I took an extra dose of med this am, and also I have vitamins here to take. My dogs are on the bed, my son is snuggled next to bird is in my bathroom...just steps away. I'm healthy and I just had my blood test and a cat scan and other than cholesterol, I am fine. Anna Nicole died 2 days ago---very sad. I'm lucky that I have my little son next to me...and she lost that. I don't know why she died, but I don't think it helped that she had a broken heart.
Why do I feel so bad? You know I am trying to quit smoking---and I have been allowing myself a certain amount of nicotine daily, by way of nicorette I guess in some ways I'm still hooked...but at least the habit of lighting up is broken..or close to.
Just between us here at the Cozy Corner, the side of my bed doesnt look as nice as the above picture. It's a little messier. I was thinking maybe---I'll do a picture diary. Since I have the HP installed on here, which does printing and pictures, I can transfer whatever I want from the digital camera on here, and so maybe I'll take some pics today of show how I really am. Show what things really look like...
Maybe if I look at my life as a book...with pictures, captions and things to appreciate and enjoy, it will work for me. Help me. Its not that I have a terrible life or anything---I don't. But its sort of a way to keep a diary of lows and highs, good and bad, progress and standstills, hopes and dreams...
I'll write later....I'll try and keep things cozy until I can get back.

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